About half an hour ago, I turned 25. My birthdays, far from being celebratory and champagne-soaked, have always give me occasion to reflect on my life, its direction, and how far I have come from the day I entered the world as a placenta-covered and cone-headed projectile. This year especially, since I am far away from all that is familiar, there are more questions than well-wishers. So while I can justly take a break from my several-years-old tradition of asking myself every 22-Sep why I am just treading water in a dead-end job, I do not have the luxury of avoiding the question of whether I have chosen the right path to escape that misery. Or any of the following: Is law right for me? Am I right for it? Can it keep my interest? Can any career? Am I spending loads of money on something I will end up hating? Is my vision for my future realistic? Do I have it in me to be a force for change? Will I ever have a birthday characterized by confidence and contentment, rather than questions and brooding?
One thing is certain: I still have a knack for procrastination. So all that work I was going to finish before today (so that I could at least brood in peace) is still waiting for me. And I've got to try to do it now, with the usual birthday existential crisis (my annual present to myself) on my mind. So I guess I'm another year older, but not much wiser for it. Damn.
4 comments:
I see that you forgot to add that your sister *ahem* text messaged you at the break of day to happy birthday you properly...
uh huh.
Happy belated birthday Matthew! This would have been on-time, but I (insert excuse here). It's from me, it's late, let's move on.
Already 25 years since that day when the "placenta encrusted pointed headed projectile" (going by memory, I think I quoted you correctly) named Matthew came into the world. Though you may not have figured everything out in life (purpose, career, etc.), I'm sure you have come to realize time does fly. So for today- just enjoy today, then wake up and do it again tomorrow and each day that comes.
Happy Birthday, with love and well wishes, from all of us here in the other Portland.
Glad to see you have re-adjusted to a life in academia, you know the parallel universe where problems are spelled out in a book and neatly answered at the end of the hour - kind of like a "Brady Bunch" episode.
I showed the kids some of the pictures on your site. I spared Nick the dead cookie monster though, too many questions to have to answer.
Got to go now - church, soccer game in some corner of the state, then perhaps that day of rest people talk about.
Love Uncle Mark
"GO SOX"
Matthew,
I know you will be a force for change and I will vote for you and work on your campaign for Presidency!!! Don’t forget to write in your journal so that you can include this moment of doubt in your memoir.
Love always,
Karin
Karin,
Your outlook is entirely too positive. Please tone it down. You are totally buzzing my harsh.
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