Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

Just a few more days before I set out and at long last my emotions are starting to get the better of me but in the oddest of ways. I shed a few tears as Miko came in this morning for his usual "Good Morning" cuddle. Poor kitty who else will love his bitey, scratchy ways? A little bit of anxiety has crept in and manifested in my dreams.

To clarify most people would consider my usual dreams nightmares. They are full of monsters, aliens, apocalypse and everyone I know, including me, has at one point or another died in my dreams in a hail of bullets, rent apart by claws, in the radioactive aftermath of nuclear winter. Mind you I enjoy these dreams not because I like seeing people I love die, but because they always have hope even when things are terrible, we always fight against the things trying to do us harm, dieing if we must, and they are more then a little action packed . I understand that perhaps I watch to many movies and read to many science fiction books.

But that dreams that I consider nightmares are a lot more mundane. They are the kind where I'm just in high school and full of self doubt, or at a job I don't care about 30 years older and everyday is just without a routine without hope. Where there is no laughter, no passion and life just kind of happened while I wasn't looking and there I was. So to be all psychoanalyzey I'm most frightened of not amounting to much and not experiencing everything I can out of life.

So getting back to the original issue. My most recent nightmare. Matt and I got married. No wait there's more! It was the worst wedding ever. It took place in someone's driveway dandelions poking through the cracks in the asphalt. Matt was wearing a tuxedo shirt and I was wearing a white t-shirt and long skirt. Food was being served out of the garage and the whole time I was just repeating over and over to myself the important thing is that we are married but then my mother got in a fight with Matt's grandfather about how to best park cars and well I just gave up. I grabbed Matt's hand ran through the polyester clad crowd out the rusting hurricane fence and away from the travesty called our wedding. That was my nightmare. Anxious much?

P.S. 10 points to your house if you get the title reference!