You're Problably Not a Trekkie if...

Have you seen the new Star Trek Movie yet??!! You haven't? Well let me tell you it's fracking awesome. I think I honestly experienced all possible human emotions in the first ten minutes of the movie save one: self righteous indignation. I saved that one for after the movie (which by the way was a total sausage fest as Matt and I went on the first night) when a little slip of the a thing teenage girl who had clearly been dragged to the film by her "crew" was heard saying "OMG I can't believe I'm a trekkie, Dr. Spock is like sooo Hot!". A heavy sigh and a huge eye roll was enough of a signal for Matt to quickly usher me away from the scene before things got ugly. And every day since has just gotten worse.

All of a sudden EVERYONE has decided that they are and have always been a trekkie. Tom Hanks on the Daily Show pretended that coffee cups were Vulcan ears, the NPR host interviewing J.J. Abrams used Star Trek and Star Wars interchangeably when describing his long standing fandom. THE SACRILEGE!! Yes, yes you're aware that the red shirt always dies, that Vulcans have green blood, that Bones will probably not be able to save the red shirt because: "He's dead Jim", it doesn't make you a trekkie. Being a trekkie I believe requires a certain base knowledge of Star Trek in all its incarnations combined with some sort of personalized entrance ritual, preferably including the use of pain sticks (see if you were a trekkie you would know what those were). Some examples of acceptable initiation rituals include:

• Proudly dressing up in your homemade Star Trek Uniform for Halloween, office parties, or just because you felt like it that day.
• Proudly dressing up in your authentic auction bought Star Trek Uniform for the same events.
• Using Star Trek as resource for school essay papers, or theatrical improvisational pieces.
• Having your first kiss in the Star Trek aisle of your local book store.
  

Not that you can't aspire to be a trekkie in fact one day soon with a little hard work you may well be a trekkie and you can have full fledged Trekkie experiences like:

• Driving for 3 hours to go to a comic con and then deciding you're too embarrassed to shake hands with Wil Wheaton.
• Getting married on the bridge of the Enterprise (oh noes! you waited to long they closed that Las Vegas attraction)
• Trying to rob a quik-e-mart with a bat'leth and getting shot.
  
• Dying in front of your new 42 inch flat screen tv while watching Star Trek on a loop (and not being found for three days)
  

I'm neither confirming nor disavowing any of the above experiences as my own but I will say that they all happened to someone, somewhere, sometime and with out a doubt they were trekkies.