It's Matt's birthday today! He can usually be rather morose and un-stylishly contemplative on his birthday so I decided to try and fill it with little surprises. May I tell you, I think it was a great success particularly as along the way I picked up many conspirators!
Conspirator #1: Karin- Step-mom extraordinaire
I contacted the devious Ms. Karin a few days prior in order to obtain the secret Swedish recipe for Kalas Kaka. This recipe is so secret that it's even written in some sort of unbreakable code full of umlauts and what not. Alas the transcription was incomplete and measurements were in these things called "deciliters" and "grams". Luckily I was able to decipher using my knowledge of sugary fizzy drinks and my one year of Latin. So "deci" I know is derived from the Latin decimus meaning ten. So I concluded that 1 deciliter of sugar should be roughly equal to the volume of ten bottles of soda. All I know about grams is that they weigh roughly the same as a paperclip. Unfortunately I don't have any paperclips in the house so I got the nearest amalgam a single staple. Having gathered 75 loose staples I placed them in one hand and picked up some butter in my other hand until I felt that they weighed about the same. A few eggs and injuries later I had managed to put this together:
Conspirator #2: Quiz Master Polly
Conspirator #3: Rachel Queen of all geek waitresses
Conspirator #4: The Indefatigable waitress Lacey
Wednesday night is our usual night to head on down to the Sellwood Public House for Trivia. Near the end of Trivia I managed to tweet a secret message (well secret to anyone not on twitter) to Polly that Matt's birthday was the following day. After subtle hand gestures waved across the room Polly understood to check her twitter and quickly got up and ran to the kitchen. Matt, meanwhile, was still trying to figure out question number 8: What is the 4th most popular strip club in Portland? A moment later one of our lovely waitresses Lacey and asks Matt if it's his birthday. Suspicious Matt says "No, why?" "Oh, well I wonder who's birthday it is then" she responds and looks at me confused. Unbeknownst to Matt I'm frantically hitting Lacey under the table. Just in time Rachel comes out with a slice of apple pie a la mode and the whole bar sings "Happy Birthday dear Bow-tie!" (as Matt is lovingly known in said crowd for his choice in neckwear and knowledge of Portland City councilmen) See below for proof of success!
Conspirator #5: Groupon
AWESOME today's Groupon was for one of Matt's favorite restaurants: Habibi! He received his groupon for $16 worth of fare half way through the actual birthday day!
Conspirator #6: Cat lover and frequent tormentor of my boyfriend via text: Crystal
At work today the lovely Ms Crystal took time out of her day to take me to Fred Meyers to obtain a certain cat shaped balloon that we had spied weeks ago.You see our apartment has a very strict "no pets, not even for visiting" clause on the lease. Try as I might to get Matt to see reason that rental agreements are merely suggestions of good behavior and honestly who does a landlord think he is outlining moral codes for inhabitants anyway. We should get a kitty in protest to this Fascism. On my way home I texted Matt that I had found and abandoned kitten in a box and I was bringing it home. I was hoping to get him annoyed at me but apparently I just broke his kitty loving heart. Good news though no real kitties were harmed in the making of this balloon...I think.
Conspirator #7: Sue- Brilliant Deductress of Amazing Presents aka MOM
I received a very excited message on Tuesday from Matt's mom. She wanted to run a present idea by me and asked me to call her back when Matt was not around. I called her back a few moments later. She has found a place in Rhode Island that will overnight a New England Clambake! HOW COOL IS THAT??!!. Real lobsters are hard to get here on the West Coast and proper steamers are nonexistent. Matt LOVES both those things and a clambake is always such a nice reminder of home. We arranged a good day to have the feast delivered and both waited anxiously. I promised to video him getting his present. On Thursday we received the tracking number from fedex and spent a good portion of the day refreshing their webpage to see if the package had been delivered. At last the package was delivered and our good friend and neighbor Rachel (Mini conspirator #8) picked the package up off the front step so as to make sure it wasn't stolen or seen by Matt when he got home. Well here's the result:
I received a very excited message on Tuesday from Matt's mom. She wanted to run a present idea by me and asked me to call her back when Matt was not around. I called her back a few moments later. She has found a place in Rhode Island that will overnight a New England Clambake! HOW COOL IS THAT??!!. Real lobsters are hard to get here on the West Coast and proper steamers are nonexistent. Matt LOVES both those things and a clambake is always such a nice reminder of home. We arranged a good day to have the feast delivered and both waited anxiously. I promised to video him getting his present. On Thursday we received the tracking number from fedex and spent a good portion of the day refreshing their webpage to see if the package had been delivered. At last the package was delivered and our good friend and neighbor Rachel (Mini conspirator #8) picked the package up off the front step so as to make sure it wasn't stolen or seen by Matt when he got home. Well here's the result:
Now belly's full and kitchen a crustaceans encrusted mess we sleep. Good birthday people. Good birthday.
